Friday, March 10, 2017

Fun with acronyms.

Is anyone else losing track of the revisions to the LGBT acronym?

I found LGBTQQIP2SAA. I expect the list to keep on growing.

The Burlington pig lady says, “This is the fight of my life. I am going to spend the rest of my life fighting for the rights of animals ’til they are considered equal just like the rest of us.”

What letter will they use to cover pigs?

They can't use "P" for "pig," or "porker," because that letter is already taken. "B" for "boar," is already taken. So is "S" for "swine."

Oh, I've got it! "H" for "hog."

LGBTQQIP2SAAH.

There is a lot of potential, right there, for a massive expansion of the acronym.

There is no "C" in there, so cows are easily included. But that leaves out cats. Let's use "F" for felines. There is no "D" for dog, but what about donkeys? I forget, is "donkey" synonymous with "mule?" Or can We use "M" for "mouse."

I don't want to get too wrapped up in the details right now so let's just temporarily adopt the convention that the letter represents all of the animals in that class. Throw in an "E" for elephants and eels and we are already up to LGBTQQIP2SAAHCFDME. Oh, and an "R" for reptiles - LGBTQQIP2SAAHCFDMER.

Then you will have to separate all of these groups depending upon whether they are cis, gay, or questioning, etc. You'll need a book of regulations the size of the Toronto telephone directory (if it still exists) just to sort out all of the bathroom protocols, not to mention the allocations of publicly funded surgeries and hormone replacement therapies.

An army of interpreters will be required when worms (LGBTQQIP2SAAHCFDMERW) start running for public office. (as if that would change anything.)

Then there is the thorny issue of plant's rights. According to one report, "living organisms should be considered morally for their own sake because they are alive."

Whew! This whole issue of assigning rights in accordance with identity politics could start to seem rather crazy to some people. Politicians, on the other hand, can be counted upon to enthusiastically embrace the challenge. There is no better profession than politics because it allows its practitioners to create their own "jobs," no matter how utterly useless they may be, while drawing a guaranteed salary from the public purse.

Imagine the quandaries that would evolve in the field of medical ethics. Picture this in comic format,

A potato is lying in a bed in the intensive care ward. A doctor stands nearby talking to a bushel full of close family members. The caption reads,

"I think we should pull the plug."

Is it time to pull the plug on the whole damned thing?

MCGA.


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